Support for understanding
Group cares for each other during healthcare battles
By KATIE ONHEIBER
Reporter
Published: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 7:03 AM PDT
Mary Andresen looks into her husband Ed’s eyes and smiles. Her heart fills with the love of 65 years of marriage with a strength that will not detour. And strength is on the couple’s side.
Ed is in the middle stage of Alzheimer’s Disease, a degenerative condition that causes dementia. Mary wanted to do whatever she could to help.
“I felt the need for someone to talk to rather than just a girlfriend,” Mary says. With some push from God she decided to form a support group for those caring for people with mentally deteriorating diseases, she says.
CarePartners of Bear Valley meets at 1 p.m. the second and fourth Tuesday of every month at Big Bear Valley Senior Center. The group offers supportive and insightful tips for effective caring.
On occasion, Visiting Nurse Association of the Inland Counties, the Alzheimer’s Association, members from Big Bear Sheriff’s Station and other organizations speak to the group.
“It’s great to know that you can go to someone that understands what is happening,” Mary says. “I feel blessed. I get home from the group and my husband is proud of the fact I’m trying to help him and others.”
Ed is aware that his brain is different. “I couldn’t imagine not telling him,” Mary says. She has educated Ed on the disease with diagrams of the brain and books about Alzheimer’s. Mary says Ed believes God wouldn’t give it to him if He thought they couldn’t handle it.
For Marcia Shadron, the group offers valuable support. “It’s nice to vent and realize you are not alone in this struggle,” Marcia says. Marcia’s husband, Tom, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s seven years ago. Marcia faces daily challenges with communication and comprehension. The group offers advice on what to do in difficult situations.
“I applaud her (Mary) for starting it,” Marcia says. “I hope that people who are hesitant to attend would give it a try.”
The group welcomes anyone who is interested whether they be a caregiver, a patient or just want to learn more about degenerative diseases.
Ellen Kelser began attending meetings when the group formed in fall 2009. Her husband, David, has Parkinson’s Disease that has been leading into dementia for several years. The couple permanently moved to Big Bear during the summer as David’s dementia increased in severity. “He was experiencing mood swings and hallucinations from medication and began wandering,” Ellen says. Ellen sought advice on what to do and discovered several members in the group were experiencing similar situations.
“It’s just camaraderie and a time to share,” Ellen says. “I know there’s someone to call on in the wee hours of the night to give help if I need it.”
Joy Cira joined CarePartners to learn more about herself. Joy is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and has found the group helpful in understanding how the disease affects her brain.
“I’m the only one there that has it,” Joy says. “I went to get an idea on what’s going on inside of me, it’s a pretty big journey. I’ll do something and look back and say ‘oh dear there’s that blank space going.’ But you just can’t lay back; you don’t dare become lazy.”
Being active is easy for Joy. “I just love people, I always have.” Joy stays involved in the community going to exercise classes and helping with the Senior Thrift Store in Big Bear City. “I am a social butterfly and enjoy being active, I just have the occasional memory lapse.”
“It’s such a trial and tribulation to be a caregiver,” Joy says. “It’s a full-time job, very wearing.” While Joy can handle most daily activities her husband, Marvin, has stepped into the role of caregiver.
“Joy inspired me to attend (the meetings),” Marvin says. “It’s nice to see people that are caring. It’s a very congenial, supportive group.”
The challenge for many caregivers lies in understanding that a patient’s behavior is different and unexpected. “The focus we have is we’re working on prevention,” Marvin says. “There is three stages of Alzheimer’s, we are trying to keep her in stage one as long as possible through diet and exercise, activities and socialization. It can’t be eliminated but it can be augmented.”
“It takes a village to help a caretaker get through all these episodes with a loved one,” Joy says.
Mary and Ed take every day with a light heart. “The Lord has given us peace about it and courage,” Mary says. It’s that strength that pushes the couple through each day.
For more information on CarePartners of Bear Valley, call Mary at 909-585-7958.
Contact reporter Katie Onheiber at 909-866-3456, ext. 134 or by e-mail at konheiber.grizzly@gmail.com.
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